Mr. Yan Er has been the acting magistrate of Taiyuan Prefecture since he took office. He has to visit his superiors every day and deal with official business with them, putting on a good show of respect. Although his position is not high, he has encountered such a good superior, and he has been living the good life.
One day, Mr. Yan Er was sitting in the yamen when he suddenly received an official letter. Upon opening it, he found a letter from his superior. The letter first praised him for handling fundraising for disaster relief well, and then said, "It's winter now, and we can't plant anything. We gotta wait until spring, which is still a few months away. During these months, the common people have nothing to eat and can't survive. We gotta raise a pile of cash to help 'em out. Your reputation is good, and the officials all respect you, so I'm writing to you specifically to quickly raise more money and continuously provide relief to the disaster victims. Don't let me down." After reading the letter, Mr. Yan Er lay awake all night worrying. The next day, he went to see his superior. To keep up appearances, he dared not say that he couldn't raise money from Shanghai, only that he had already sent a telegram urging them and should receive a reply in a few days. His superior listened and didn't say anything.
Three days later, he received another urgent letter. Mr. Yan Er became anxious and discussed with his friend, He Shiyeye, who is now the accountant in his yamen and is helping with disaster relief. He Shiyeye was very clever and strategic, and after some thought, he said, "Your superior is urging you with letter after letter, probably for his own benefit, not for the people, right?" Mr. Yan Er asked, "Why do you say that?" He Shiyeye said, "The people of Taiyuan Prefecture have all fled. When the spring rains come, people will naturally come to cultivate the fields. Now, those who have fled have fled, and those who have died have died. You can't see anyone even if you walk ten or eight miles. Why do we need so much money for disaster relief? So I think the superior must be trying to benefit himself. He thinks your official position is high, and you have a good reputation in Shanghai, so you can mobilize funds and send a telegram to get a fortune. He doesn't know that things are different now, and you can't just pull the strings like that anymore!" Mr. Yan Er said, "I'm stuck in his trap now, and I don't know how to get out. Do you have any good ideas?"
Although He Shiye is the accountant, he hasn't seen a dime since Mr. Yan Er took office. Moreover, Mr. Yan Er is very stingy; the daily pocket money, including everyone's food money, amounts to less than a dollar. There's no money to be made from him. He was fed up with the job. After listening to Mr. Yan Er, he decided to use this to his advantage, came up with an idea, and said, "Boss, tomorrow, ask your superior to write a letter for you. I'll do my best to go to Shanghai for you." Mr. Yan Er asked, "What does the letter say?" He Shiye said, "To drum up donations." Mr. Yan Er replied, "It's already difficult to raise funds now, and there are still Mr. Shen Da and his group in Shanghai. You don't have much clout; how can you persuade them?" He Shiye smiled and said, "Soliciting donations is just a cover; the real purpose is to get something back from them." When Mr. Yan Er heard the phrase "get something back," he sensed there was a trick to it and quickly asked, "What's the plan?"
He Shiyé said, "According to regulations, set up a donation office specifically for fundraising in Shanxi. People donate money, and they can cash it in anywhere. Why do they have to come to your office? So I'm not talking about shaking down for donations, but about chipping in. Because shaking down for donations is rigid, chipping in is flexible. I just need my superior to write a petition, first saying that the disaster area in Shanxi is extensive and in need of a lot of money. If someone donates more than ten thousand taels, they are allowed to ask for a reward." Yan Er said, "How many people can donate ten thousand taels?" He Shiyé replied, "I haven't finished speaking yet. Whether they donate or not is up to them, but the power to submit a petition is in my hands. It’s not common for someone to donate ten thousand taels, but if they can chip in an extra six or seven thousand, we can explain to our superior and count it as ten thousand, sweeten the deal, and who wouldn't rush to do it? The extra money officials chip in is limited. Once we receive the imperial edict, it will be a special class. Why wouldn't they be happy about it? This fund is said to be for disaster relief in Shanxi. How much disaster relief is there, and what evidence is there? It all depends on our superior's mood. Whatever he wants to reimburse, he can. In this way, the superior benefits, and there will definitely be no other opinions. As long as you handle it well, promotions and titles will be easy. Will he still dare to let you drink the northwest wind (meaning to starve) in Taiyuan Prefecture?" Yan Er was suddenly enlightened by these words, nodding repeatedly, praising, "You're right!" He then said, "Although that's the case, I will follow your method and talk to my superior tomorrow. This letter will definitely work. But you don't have an official position, how should he address you in the letter?" He Shiyé said, "After the master has handled this donation of hundreds of thousands of taels, are you still worried about not getting an official position? At the very least, you should be a Deputy Magistrate." Yan Er smiled and understood in his heart, "He’d get his cut later. I’ll talk to the boss tomorrow, then give him a receipt."
After discussing it properly, he went to see his superior the next day and suggested a way to encourage donations. He said, "Shanxi lacks outside investment, so some things cannot be accomplished due to insufficient funds. This opens the door for us to use it to the fullest in the future. Will the ministry find fault with us now?" The superior was indeed very happy after hearing this and asked, "This matter still needs to be handled in Shanghai, where there are many wealthy people and it is easy to raise funds. But who should we send?" Yan recommended He and said, "He helped me with fundraising in Shanghai and later came here with me to assist in disaster relief. He knows many people and is very reliable. Sending him to persuade donations will definitely work." The superior said, "Your idea is good, and the person you recommended is definitely reliable." With that, he called for Master He, who was responsible for writing memorials, and told him the details of the matter. As he submitted the memorial to the court, he also issued official documents to He, appointing him to go to Shanghai to persuade donations. The next day, He went to the yamen to express his gratitude, and his charm impressed his superior.
Yan took the opportunity to request a promotion. The superior said, "I know you have worked hard for a long time, so I will definitely arrange a good position for you to reward your hard work. You've been promoted to prefect. I have told the provincial governor about the disaster relief this time, and a simple promotion isn't enough. So, in addition to the promotion, you will also be appointed as a deputy prefect, at the Dao Yuan level. To be honest, the people of Taiyuan owe their lives to you. Who else can save them? Giving you more benefits is not excessive." Yan expressed his deep gratitude. The superior soon spoke to the governor and secured Yan a better position.
So, there was this guy, Mr. He, whose name is Shun and courtesy name is Xiaoxian, from Shaoxing. After receiving the appointment, he immediately set off and resigned to his superior two days later. The magistrate gave him two hundred taels of silver, plus the money from colleagues and friends in the province to buy foreign goods in Shanghai, totaling about five hundred taels in total. He kept two hundred taels for travel expenses and exchanged the remaining three hundred taels into cash to carry with him. On the way, he encountered many disaster victims selling their children. He only bought girls and only chose the good ones. Those people were starving and would sell as long as they were given money. For example, a ten-year-old girl only cost ten strings of cash, a five-year-old only cost five strings of cash, but he only gave five hundred cash per year of age. The disaster victims had no choice but to sell to him. In less than three days, he bought more than fifty girls. Travel wasn't cheap. When he arrived in Shanghai, he kept a few of the older, prettier girls for himself and sold the rest to relatives and friends, making a killing. There were still more than twenty girls left that no one wanted, but luckily he knew someone in Shanghai and entrusted them to a matchmaker, making another profit. As for where these girls were finally sold to, it was not written in the book, and we do not know.
Mr. He returned to Shanghai and rented a large house, hanging a sign saying "The Shanxi Relief and Donation Bureau (By Imperial Order)." Before coming to Shanghai, he instructed his subordinates not to call him Mr. He anymore, but to call him Boss. Using the title of the Shanxi governor, he entertained guests every day and tried to build relationships. If someone invited him to dinner, he would go. After a month of schmoozing, people actually started sending him money. Three people donated ten thousand taels each, four donated eight thousand taels each, and over a dozen donated six thousand taels each. While collecting money, he also sent telegrams to the Shanxi governor, helping others take credit. This racket was raking it in! After three months, he had donated over three hundred thousand taels of silver, pocketed the rest as profit after claiming around six or seven thousand in expenses. What happened to all that money? Did anyone actually get helped? Nobody knows.
He Xiaoxian's approach is truly innovative, right up there with Shen Dashan. After all, he was sent by the Shanxi Governor, and nobody could get to him. After some time, He Xiaoxian privately sent a telegram to the Shanxi Governor, recommending two individuals in the disaster relief case, from the rank of magistrate to the rank of governor, and even added a second-rank title. From then on, he flourished in officialdom and had his fingers in every pie. If invited to dinner, if the invitation was addressed incorrectly, such as calling him "Master He," he would definitely not go; he had to be called "Your Honor" for him to be pleased. More people envied him, treating him like family, even if they weren't related, or friends, even if they weren't, all fawning over him. He had a cousin who used to look down on him, but now that he saw him become a governor, he also started fawning over him.
His cousin, Tang Er (Tang the Second), hailed from Huzhou and was his uncle's son. His uncle had been a magistrate twice and once a governor, and was very wealthy. Tang Er had been a young master since childhood, relying on his family background and buying an official position. Although he held the position of magistrate, he had always stayed by his father's side and never went out to work as an official. He had been addicted to opium since he was twelve years old, smoking eight or nine taels of opium a day. They say that people who smoke are calm, but he was the opposite, always getting distracted before finishing a sentence; in the summer, he even forgot to wear a shirt when going out; when talking to people, he would accidentally knock over the teacup. In short, he caused trouble all day long, and everyone called him "Tang the Second, the Troublemaker."
At the age of twenty-one, Tang Erluanzi's father passed away. He mourned his father for three years and then spent a year living it up at home. At twenty-four, he suddenly wanted to go to Shanghai for fun, planning to spend ten to twenty thousand and hoping to find two or three women. When he arrived in Shanghai, although there were many fellow villagers, he had no contact with them because he had worked elsewhere before. Fortunately, his cousin He Xiaoxian had been promoted to governor and was in charge of disaster relief in Shanxi, which was a big deal, so Tang Erluanzi went to find him. He Xiaoxian invited him to a big meal that day, welcomed him, and even offered him prostitutes and introduced women to him. Tang Erluanzi, ever the rascal, partied with anyone he could at the banquet. Later, he also got his cousin's friend, the wealthy Zhen Baoyu, involved. Although He Xiaoxian went along with it, whether he liked it or not, Tang Erluanzi was so addicted to smoking that he had no energy to do anything else, so things went smoothly. He was a shopaholic; a hundred bottles of perfume here, two hundred boxes of cigars there – you get the picture.
Holy moly, it’s been chaotic for over ten days. He Xiaoxian saw Tang Erluan burning through cash, so he took the opportunity to win him over and talked about buying an official position. Tang Erluan asked about the rules for buying an official post, and He Xiaoxian explained it all in detail. Since Tang Erluan was wealthy and used to pulling strings, he was very willing to work with the two of them. So, He Xiaoxian kept quiet about the extra money that needed to be collected and instead said, "The regular fee is ten thousand taels. On top of that, you’ll need to send another three thousand taels to the Shanxi Governor to land a 'special decree'! As a big shot, with a few good words from the Governor, you’ll reap other rewards. Taking this route, even if there are vacancies, it’ll be a breeze." He Xiaoxian's words made Tang Erluan champ at the bit; he wanted to jump on it right away. But he was running low on cash, not enough to handle this, so he hurriedly discussed with He Xiaoxian about sending someone back home to get more silver. He Xiaoxian knew his background and said, "With over ten thousand taels, don’t you have a wealthy cousin, Shengguang, who can lend it to you? Why do you have to send it from home?" Tang Erluan replied, "I was in a hurry to use the money, so I might as well send someone back to get more." He Xiaoxian was worried that someone might come to scoop them in a few days and ruin everything. Plus, those in Shanghai who handled donations were all very slick, bending the rules and cutting corners. If there was a delay, someone else might get there first, and they’d regret it. After thinking for a moment, he said, "Buddy, if you want to do this, time's ticking! I just got a letter from the Shanxi Governor’s office yesterday, and I’m afraid this opportunity will be gone before you know it. You don’t see opportunities like this often, and it’d be a shame to miss out. In my opinion, I’ll front you the ten thousand taels, and you just need to pay a bit of interest. It’s no problem to pay me back in a month or two. If you really want to do it, I’ll head back to the office right away, write you a receipt, and send a telegram to Shanxi. This can be done quickly, and you can get the decree in less than a month. Once you have the decree, you’ll be on your way. If you hurry to Beijing next month, you can even catch the Wan Shou celebration. Take advantage of this opportunity, and I’ll help you snag a job in Shanxi. The key here is connections, and in two or three months, you might even land a real position."
With these words, Tang Er Luanzi was overjoyed and repeatedly said, "Then could you ask my cousin to help me borrow some money? I'll pay you back with interest, and I'll give you an IOU!"
He Xiaoxian saw that the deal was done, and he was so happy that he tried to please Tang Erluanzi—one day it's the theater, the next it's drinks. Every time he went out, he'd always introduce him as "Tang Guancha." Some flatterers also followed suit, calling him "Guancha" one after another. Tang Erluanzi was even more pleased. He Xiaoxian advised him again, "Brother, you are about to become an official. You sleep till noon and chain-smoke opium; this won't do. If you're just out in the sticks, it doesn't matter, but when you arrive in the province, you need to put in an appearance at the yamen for a few days. And you need to go to Beijing in advance to schmooze with the bigwigs. None of them sleep in past three to get to court. Brother, I won't advise you on anything else, but I must insist you practice getting up early." Tang Erluanzi said, "Getting up early ain't my thing, but sleeping till the sun's up? No problem. If I go to the capital, I'll stay up all night and see them early in the morning." He Xiaoxian said, "They'll be busy with official business until after lunch, then it's private appointments only. Even if you drag yourself to the yamen at dawn every day, the governor's got a whole waiting room of other people to see. If someone comes to visit you, will you turn them away? If you are instructed to do something immediately, do you have to wait until you wake up? I'm afraid it won't work, right?" Tang Erluanzi thought about it and said, "Cousin, you are right. I will start listening to you and learn to get up early from tomorrow." And that was that for the night.
That night, Tang Er Luanzi actually went to bed early, and before going to sleep, he instructed the steward, "Wake me up early tomorrow." The steward said he would. However, he usually slept very late, so he couldn't fall asleep early. He tossed and turned, the rooster crowed several times, but he still couldn't sleep, staying awake until dawn. When he saw a little sunlight shining into the window corner, he was still half asleep when the steward came to wake him. After calling his name three times, he woke up feeling grumpy and ready to yell at someone. Suddenly he remembered, "I'm the one who wanted to get up early." So he held back, rubbed his eyes, and got up. The steward quickly prepared water for him to wash his face and get ready early. Knowing their young master was up early and might struggle to stay awake, the stewards gave him opium. The two stewards took turns preparing his opium pipes, and he smoked thirty-six puffs. He was just about to lie back down when He Xiaoxian arrived. Seeing him up early, he was so thrilled, he practically danced with joy, showering Tang Er Luanzi with praise, "You have ambition! If you can work so hard, what can't you achieve in the future?" Tang Er Luanzi smiled and said nothing. He Xiaoxian continued, "Didn't you want to buy a jade flute mouthpiece? I searched for two days for you, and finally found one, it's really full of green. If you don't believe me, fill a bowl with water, drop the mouthpiece in – the water will turn emerald green!" Tang Er Luanzi asked, "How much?" Knowing Tang Er Luanzi was a big shot, He Xiaoxian had already fixed the price with the seller. When he heard Tang Er Luanzi ask for the price, he replied, "Three thousand yuan." Unexpectedly, Tang Er Luanzi snorted and said, "Three thousand yuan?! That's highway robbery! Take it back, I won't even look at it!" When the seller of the mouthpiece heard this, he was so angry that he stormed out, curtain flapping behind him.
Tang said, "I'm heading to Beijing for the Longevity Festival this time. I gotta bring some tribute, you know? How much do you think I should prepare?" He Xiaoxian replied, "If it's too little, it won't look good. I think you need at least twenty to thirty thousand, right?" Tang smiled and said, "Twenty to thirty thousand? What can you do with that? You need at least a hundred thousand or more!" He Xiaoxian said, "Even if your tribute's worth a hundred thousand, you still gotta think about other expenses, right? As a minor official, without connections, who's gonna help you get the stuff to the Emperor? That’ll cost some money." Tang said, "I'll deliver it myself!" He Xiaoxian shot back, "Yeah, right! If you don’t go through the officials, do you really think they'll let you deliver the stuff to the Emperor? They need to be involved, and that’ll cost a lot. Your tribute might be worth a hundred thousand, but when you add up all the expenses, it could be even more!" Tang said, "We're from noble families. Don’t we have any connections?" He Xiaoxian replied, "Try it if you don’t believe me!" Tang said, "Enough talk, I’m not spending that much money. Let’s figure out what tribute to prepare." He Xiaoxian thought for a moment and said, "How about an electric car?" Although Tang was a bit confused, he quickly responded, "No way! I've seen those a few times on the main street, and I thought they were way too fast. It’s definitely not safe for the palace!" He Xiaoxian then suggested, "How about electric lights?" Tang didn’t think that was exciting either. After tossing around a few more ideas, none of them hit the mark. In the end, he came up with four items himself: an agate bottle, an emerald rockery, four large diamonds, and a string of pearl necklaces.
After finally getting the tribute all spiffed up and taking another half month, Tang hurried to Beijing. Just then, a telegram from Shanxi arrived, saying the tribute had been shipped out. He was naturally happy to get the news. A day later, he got a letter from home saying that over a hundred thousand silver had been sent through the money exchange. After receiving the money, he paid back He Xiaoxian's advance and the tribute money, then booked passage on the Fengshun, first class, and headed for Beijing.
It took over a day to get to Beijing. Tang Er Luanzi was a spoiled brat. This time he took a boat and a train, which left him exhausted and complaining constantly. He'd had someone rent a place south of Shunzhi Gate in advance. After moving in, he slept for three consecutive days. He also asked a doctor to examine him. After taking his pulse, the doctor said to the steward, "This gentleman is just tired from the journey, nothing serious. Just rest for a few days." The steward waved him off, saying, "Doctor, you gotta say he's sick, or there's no repeat business. You must give him a fancy prescription and charge him an arm and a leg, and preferably include ginseng in each dose. He’ll be happy when he sees it, thinking you're skilled in medicine, and will invite you again tomorrow." The doctor replied, "Ginseng? You can't just give that to anyone!" The steward explained their plan to inflate the bill with ginseng, split the profits with the pharmacy, and charge Mr. Tang a fortune, assuring the doctor that the extra money would be well worth it. The doctor agreed repeatedly and acted accordingly. The next day, Tang Er Luanzi sent someone to invite him again. The doctor told the messenger, "This guy's really sick! I gotta see him three times a day." He also said, "I cleared my schedule just for you. I’ll charge you twenty-four bucks a visit, plus four-fifty for the paperwork." Tang Er Luanzi agreed to everything. The prescription was loaded with ginseng and pearl powder – cost him a small fortune. After taking the medicine, Tang Er Luanzi praised, "This doctor's amazing! I feel so much better!" It was only a few days later that he went out to visit his guests.
This time he went to Beijing to pay tribute for the Longevity Festival, so he asked about the rules of tribute whenever he met someone, boasting on all occasions, saying, "My tribute is worth a hundred thousand taels of silver; at least I should be rewarded with the official title of a third-rank official for it to be considered worthy!" Others heard him and said that he was living in a dream world. How could such words be said in public? He didn't care at all.
He had a cousin, surnamed Zha, with the courtesy name Shandan; everyone called him "Zha Sandan." Zha Sandan was an extraordinary clerk at the Ministry of Justice, had been in Beijing for more than twenty years, had a wide network, and specialized in helping people make connections, and was very efficient in handling affairs. When he heard that his brother-in-law had come to Beijing and knew that his brother-in-law's family was well-off, he thought of taking advantage of him; so he went to Tang Erluanzi's place every day in the name of relatives, helping him here and there, showing great concern. Unexpectedly, Tang Erluanzi had a bad temper, only accepting flattery, never giving any. Zha Sandan saw that his brother-in-law was not very enthusiastic towards him, suspected that his brother-in-law looked down on him, felt very uncomfortable, and wanted to screw him over even more.
Tang Erluanzi went around bragging about the tribute, driving everyone nuts. Zha Sandan quickly took charge of the matter, saying, "This is my area of expertise. I know all the ins and outs of the palace and various expenses. I can help you find a reliable person to handle it. A 100,000 silver tribute? 30,000 should grease the wheels." However, Tang Erluanzi flatly refused to pay the 30,000 expenses, stubbornly insisting, "I'd rather give the money directly to the emperor. Who do they think they are? Do I need to flatter those lowlifes? I'm the Emperor's man! They're just servants, same as me! Why should I give them money? Thirty thousand is enough to buy an eighth-rank official post! Why should I waste money on them?" Zha Sandan replied, "It's easy to see the King of Hell, but hard to deal with the little ghosts! Those people are just like little ghosts. Why bother with them? You have to give gifts when meeting superiors, so why not give gifts to the emperor? This expense is just like giving gifts. Starting from the Jingshi Room, there are forty-eight places inside and out. Over a thousand people share this money. Can't be stingy with those guys!"
Tang Erluanzi was even more unhappy when he heard his brother-in-law ask him for money, closing his eyes and shaking his head without saying a word. In fact, what Cha Sandan said was all true; asking him for thirty thousand ounces of silver was quite reasonable and fair enough. However, Tang Erluanzi looked down on his broke government worker uncle in Beijing, and now that he saw him involved in this matter, he became even more suspicious. The more they talked, the more difficult it became. When Cha Sandan saw that his brother-in-law clearly doubted him, even if he wanted to lay it all on the line, he refused to do so. At this time, there were many people who tried to suck up to Tang Erluanzi. Seeing that Cha Sandan and Tang Erluanzi couldn't come to an agreement, some people tried to please Tang Erluanzi by saying to him privately, "I know a prince in the War Ministry; it probably only takes ten thousand ounces of silver to settle this matter, and the tribute will be brought in by the prince. With the prince's influence, they'll have to accept it. The prince is in the War Ministry, and if he handles this matter, any future benefits from the powers that be will definitely have to go through him. If he takes ten thousand ounces of silver from you, he will definitely handle it properly for you. Maybe they'll only offer you a low-level job. But the prince could get you a promotion! Maybe even a big one!" Tang Erluanzi believed it to be true, and from then on, he ignored his brother-in-law and handed the matter over to that person. That person came every day, kept hounding him for the money, saying, "The sooner you get in, the sooner you will be promoted!" Tang Erluanzi, being a gullible fool, forked over the ten thousand ounces of silver.
Three days went by without a peep from the guy after he got the money. Tang Er Luanzi was beside himself with worry. Luckily, he was a straight shooter, so when he was stumped, he went straight to his uncle for help. Cha Sandan, seeing his brother-in-law again, said with a smirk, "You're a real dope! We're family, why would I screw you over? You didn't trust me, but you believed that garbage, treating me like a stranger. What now? Ten thousand silver dollars went down the drain, is the matter settled?" Tang Er Luanzi said, "Forget it, it's my fault. I listened to a bunch of crap. Losing ten grand is nothing!" Cha Sandan said, "I asked you for thirty thousand, you thought that was too much, now you're out another ten, and you say it's nothing? What gives?" Tang Er Luanzi smoked in silence. Cha Sandan continued, "There are a ton of con artists in this city; it's easy to get ripped off. Once they've got your money, you'll never find them. I ask you, what’s that guy's name? How do you know him?" Tang Er Luanzi said, "The guy's name was Wenming, a Manchu. I met him at a party at Zhimei Zhai. He said he worked for the Ministry of Internal Affairs, lived on Shifu Ma Street, and that he'd have the pull to get things done. Figured a guy like that would have connections, so I hired him. Never thought he'd rip me off!" Cha Sandan said, "That's ridiculous! A guy from the Ministry of Internal Affairs, and he goes outside instead of using his connections? Makes no sense! Well, live and learn. Let's forget about it and figure out what to do next."
Tang Erluanzi said, "I've already lost ten thousand dollars, and now you want another thirty thousand dollars. Isn't that going to be forty thousand dollars? I think it's too much. I'm only willing to put up another twenty thousand dollars now, that's my final offer." Cha Sandan said, "Ten thousand dollars is your own loss; what does that have to do with me? It's not like I spent it; that's absurd!" Tang Erluanzi said, "I don't care; that's how I plan to do it." Cha Sandan thought to himself, "He's trying to get me to cover three-sevenths, making sure he doesn't pay a dime extra. Anyway, he throws money around, but he's so stingy with me, his own cousin! And what I'm doing is his own business. If he's gonna throw a fit, I'm not gonna kill myself for him. It seems like he didn't learn his lesson last time; he needs to get burned again before he learns." With his mind made up, he said, "Since you're only willing to put up twenty thousand dollars, one-third short, let's go negotiate with them again. If they'll take it, why should I let you spend any more?" Tang Erluanzi only said, "Thanks for your help."
Cha Sandan found an old pal he usually worked with and told him about the matter. Without waiting for him to speak, the old pal said, "It's Third Brother's business, and he's a relative; we should help." Cha Sandan replied, "Not quite." Then he leaned in and explained the situation in detail, saying, "Although he's a relative, he's incredibly stingy, only willing to pay a bribe of ten thousand taels of silver. He has money; it's not like he can't afford it, so it wouldn't hurt to ask for a bit more." When the old pal heard this, he thought if even relatives were like this, then they should really take advantage of him, immediately putting on a smiling face and saying, "Who does he think he is? He doesn't even recognize his relatives; that's a joke! Even if Third Brother doesn't say it, we have to stand up for you! You go tell him to pay the silver first, say we've got it all taken care of, and tell him to bring the goods at ten o'clock the day after tomorrow. When he comes, we'll know how to handle him." Cha Sandan agreed repeatedly and quickly ran to Tang Erluanzi's house, saying, "The bribe is set at twenty thousand taels; the big man will help us arrange everything. You pay the money today, and tomorrow morning, bring the goods in yourself." Tang Erluanzi said, "Okay! I always say these guys are bottomless pits; they'll bleed you dry! If I hadn't stopped them, I'd have been handing over another ten grand for nothing! I'm willing to pay twenty thousand taels now." With that, he had a friend take the silver notes to the bank to withdraw twenty thousand taels of silver and give them to Cha Sandan to help arrange everything. After receiving the money, Cha Sandan deducted half for himself and only gave half to the old pal. The old pal understood his intentions. On the third day, early in the morning, Tang Erluanzi divided the tribute into two batches and had them carried. Cha Sandan led the way in front, and he rode in his carriage behind. They set off at eight in the morning, and by nine-thirty, after walking for about ten miles, they arrived at a place. Cha Sandan got off the carriage and said, "This is the gate; keep out!" Everyone stopped. Cha Sandan waved everyone back, and Tang Erluanzi had to get out and wait.
After waiting for a while, two people came out from inside, wearing fancy official garb. Cha Sandan greeted Tang Erluanzi and said, "Those guys are the steward's flunkies. Just hand over the tribute to them." Tang Erluanzi, upon hearing that they were from inside, quickly approached, respectfully bowed, and said, "Tang brought a little something for the Old Buddha. Please present it on my behalf." Unexpectedly, the two people, upon seeing him, acted all high and mighty and gave him the cold shoulder. After he finished speaking, they glanced at him and said, "What the heck do you think you're doing?! The Buddha has decreed that no tributes are allowed this year for the celebration. Why are you still here to offer a tribute? What official are you?" Tang Erluanzi said, "Governor." The official said, "You call yourself a governor? More like a clown! How did you become an official?" Tang Erluanzi said, "After donating to the disaster relief in Shanxi, I was recommended by the Shanxi Relief Agency." The official said, "Donating is one thing, but why mention a tribute? Your title sounds good! Just by looking at you, we know you're not a legitimate scholar from the imperial examinations. If you were, how could you not even recognize a single character? The Buddha has decreed no tributes; it's known to everyone, but you don't know? If it weren't for the sake of Lord Cha, I would have handed you over to the jail and charged you with being audacious and shameless! Just get lost!" After speaking, the official left in a huff. Tang Erluanzi was so scared that he broke out in a cold sweat, even his cigarette craving vanished. After resting for a while, he asked, "Where am I?" By this time, the people carrying the goods had left, and there was only Cha Sandan beside him. Seeing his appearance, Cha Sandan knew he was scared silly, so he hurried over to help him wipe his sweat, saying, "I told you earlier that the money was not enough, but you didn't listen to me. Those jerks are lowlifes. I'll go talk to them. They even fooled me. If twenty thousand wasn't enough, why didn't you say so? Why'd you mess with us like this?"
At this time, Tang woke up and remembered that the words of those officials just now were not good. He also recalled the last sentence, "go down and wait," and felt that things looked grim. He was so anxious he couldn't speak. He only heard Zha whispering in his ear, "Bro, this has gotten serious today. Even I can't do anything about it. Looking at the situation, unless you cough up another big chunk of cash, it won't end well." Tang just wanted to get out of trouble; another twenty thousand taels was nothing, so he immediately agreed. Zha told him to guard the stuff outside while he hustled over to find the official from earlier. After a bit of a hustle, they added another twenty thousand taels of silver and left the tribute as collateral. After paying the twenty thousand taels, they not only got the tribute back but also got something extra. Without the extra twenty thousand, they'd lose the goods and face charges. Once they all agreed, that was that. Tang then hightailed it out of there with Zha.
